COMING SOON

*Detailed description of our program
*Personal diary entries
*Political and ideological discussion forum
*Pictures!

We have been having a very intense time in the week that we have all been together. Things are moving forward quickly and we have made very important connections with prominent leaders in the Hashomer community as well as in the Arab communities of Barta and Kfar Qara. Overally, everyone we meet is enthralled that we are here for such a long period and with such commitment. We are in great spirits and are surviving despite our desperate lack of funding (at this very moment the MASA applications are in the works).

Also, if anyone has any connections in Israel regarding the rental or cheap purchase of a used 8 passenger van, your help would be GREATLY appreciated.

Chazak V'Ematz

Kvutzat Orev

I am in Israel

Waking up parched and migrained, having dreamt of my elaborate arrest from buying weed off of some Korean high school students, I came to realize once again that I was in Jane and Michal’s apartment in Israel and was going to be here for a while. Whereas yesterday I spent a good portion of the evening staring off the balcony thinking to myself, well, so this is Israel, today I have no desire to look. I have no desire to get up early and get breakfast with Tal and Yotam, for I can anticipate exactly how hot and exactly how sweaty the enterprise will be, exactly how much it will cost and how much benefit will come to me as a result. In this case it’s an easy call. I have no patience for tel aviv limbo, that socialist purgatory that exists between the tops of desert mountains and ben gurion airport. At the former, you are a free spirit, you are clear and full of hope and real dreams. At the latter, you are free by virtue of your state of travel. In between, however, you are subject to a whole society that somehow got here and decided to have a whole slough of social norms to judge you by and an entire economy with things for sale and so forth. So to go out there right now and get a sandwich is, well, maybe its not that bad. I think I just didn’t want to spend my first daylight moments with Tal, sharing in his own emotions on how weird Israel is. We arrived last night at around eight, and were met at the airport by Karen, Daniel, and Jacob. Not that I was expecting a whole caravan of Hashomer officials to meet us with open arms at the airport, but the fact that our kvutza was the only ones there sent a clear message that the only people we would be able to really depend on during our stay in Israel was ourselves. We are very much alone here, unknown, off the map. Our madrichim are completely spread thin with year round movement responsibilities, so even though our long term presence in Israel is essentially the product of their doing, they just don’t have the time to be there coddling us along the way. And obviously that’s how things should be. We are adults after all, with bachelors degrees from top bourgeois universities, something that immediately makes us better than them.
On a serious note, as per my fantasy about living a life of poverty, it looks like its really going to happen, and even sooner than we thought! The Masa program through which we were assuming to receive a lot of money for our time here may in fact not give us anything at all. This means that already awkward tasks like buying a van, a job I have been awarded jurisdiction over, will get that little extra dose of awkward when I drop the news that we have no money. Perhaps I will find a used car dealer with a big enough heart and the foresight to acknowledge that my pimply American friends and I are the only hope for the future of the State of Israel. Until then I’ll revert to good old fashioned being weird.
I left my girlfriend, Anna, in New York City to fend for herself. She’s helpless without me. She grew up in the wealthiest of the New Jersey suburbs and now lives in a condo her mom bought her in the east village. She goes to the New School with all the other suburban art school elite. She has black died hair and listens to noise recorded on cassette tapes and played through a broken Playskool boom box. JK. I suppose my desire to misrepresent my girlfriend stems from my fear of misrepresenting her. Why do I do things that I am afraid of, you ask? Because I am a crazy person. Considering the fact that my default modus operandi involves so much judging and classifying and seeing who’s better than me, I suppose it is not unexpected that I should be wary of that process being inflicted on the woman I love. Of course I am assuming that others would operate at such a depraved judgmental level as myself.

And to think I harassed this man on the L train

VG Merchandise

Mike L wants to make sure you read through the whole sales pitch...

Vincent Gallo's Sperm

$1 Million

Price includes all costs related to one attempt at an in-vitro fertilization. (A $50,000 value) If the first attempt at in vitro fertilization is unsuccessful, purchaser of sperm must pay all medical costs related to additional attempts. Mr. Gallo will supply sperm for as many attempts as it takes to complete a successful fertilization and successful delivery. Sperm is 100% guaranteed to be donated by Mr. Gallo who is drug, alcohol and disease free. If the purchaser of the sperm chooses the option of natural insemination, there is an additional charge of $500,000. However, if after being presented detailed photographs of the purchaser, Mr. Gallo may be willing to waive the natural insemination fee and charge only for the sperm itself. Those of you who have found this merchandise page are very well aware of Mr. Gallo's multiple talents, but to add further insight into the value of Mr. Gallo's sperm, aside from being multi talented in all creative fields, he was also multi talented as an athlete, winning several awards for performing in the games of baseball, football and hockey and making it to the professional level of grand prix motorcycle racing. Mr. Gallo is 5'11" and has blue eyes. There are no known genetic deformities in his ancestry (no cripples) and no history of congenital diseases. If you have seen The Brown Bunny, you know the potential size of the genitals if it's a boy. (8 inches if he's like his father.) I don't know exactly how a well hung father can enhance the physical makeup of a female baby, but it can't hurt. Mr. Gallo also presently maintains a distinctively full head of hair and at the age of 43 has surprisingly few gray hairs. Though his features are sharp and extreme, they would probably blend well with a softer, more subtly featured female. Mr. Gallo maintains the right to refuse sale of his sperm to those of extremely dark complexions. Though a fan of Franco Harris, Derek Jeter, Lenny Kravitz and Lena Horne, Mr. Gallo does not want to be part of that type of integration. In fact, for the next 30 days, he is offering a $50,000 discount to any potential female purchaser who can prove she has naturally blonde hair and blue eyes. Anyone who can prove a direct family link to any of the German soldiers of the mid-century will also receive this discount. Under the laws of the Jewish faith, a Jewish mother would qualify a baby to be deemed a member of the Jewish religion. This would be added incentive for Mr. Gallo to sell his sperm to a Jew mother, his reasoning being with the slim chance that his child moved into the profession of motion picture acting or became a musical performer, this connection to the Jewish faith would guarantee his offspring a better chance at good reviews and maybe even a prize at the Sundance Film Festival or an Oscar. To be clear, the purchase of Mr. Gallo's sperm does not include the use of the name Gallo. The purchaser must find another surname for the child.

**Clicking "Buy Now" will charge a $1,000 deposit via Paypal. The remaining balance will be due by cashiers check, wire transfer, or personal check and is due within seven days of purchase date. Item will ship when full payment has cleared.

That time of year again

Well fans, it's exam time. And we all know what that means...its SELF-DESTRUCTIVE AND OUTLANDISH BEHAVIOR TIME!!! That's right, December is a time for channeling all that pent up academic anxiety into a raging torrent of orphic outward expression and guilty pleasures. I mean, we're going to get those essays done in time, it just won't be pretty, that's all. For all you slackers out there, enjoying your extended hours of writer's block and late night trips to the deli for more coffee, keep in mind that you are part of a warm and loving community of equals, who want nothing more than to give you a beer bong hit and tell you to loosen up. In that vain, keep in mind that this saturday night should be a healthy addition to your regimen of academic success.

So awesome

Jackson's Kong is jaw droppingly brilliant

Who made this meat grinder?

Death toll from road accidents 390 times that from terrorism: study. What this means is that the infrastructure, equipment, and planning that goes into the daily transport of this nation's meat citizens is grinding more meat than the evil and looming meat grinders of radical islam. 390 times more. If there were 390 terrorist attacks like that of Sept. 11th, I would be so pissed. I would really really insist upon taking the necessary action to find accountable those who are responsible, even if that were an individual, company, or government administration in my own country. I guess the auto industry and highway department, like capitalism itself, place the meat agent "in the driver's seat" when it comes to his own well being. Any shortcoming in the system is the fault of the driver himself, his own inadequacies, his own irresponsibility. Unlike terrorism, of course, something the innocent meat agent is defenseless against without the help of his nations military and its corporate contractors.

Gold goes through the roof

If you're like me, then you're a gold owner. And baby, times have been tough. Since the late 80's I've been in the dumps. Inflation inflates, gold stays stagnant. The economy clims, gold is on the level. The razor scooter is invented, gold just stays the same. Until now. Post 9/11 hysteria has been great for lo-fi financial instruments. And there's no commodty with lower fidelity than a hunk of atoms denser than steel but pretty as sunshine. Get in touch with me if you're looking for a medium risk/low yield investment.